In Your Eyes I'd Like to Stay
by Embracing the Sea
Summary: He was always her hardest goodbye. Captain Nicholls/OC. OneShot.


Cassidy Fitzgerald stood on the porch of the house, watching the gleam of the sun's fading summer rays close upon the day. She stared blankly out in front of her, her mind lost in worry and drifting thoughts of sadness. Nothing could upset her more than what she was about to have to face.

The crickets chirped in the English countryside as day slowly became night. She held onto the porch's pillar, leaning against it with distress. A cool summer wind shook the leaves in the trees around the sprawling yard and its gardens. The gardens where they used to walk, talk, and laugh together. The trees where they used to sit under and talk about everything. The house where they spent summers, winters, autumns and springs together.

He was leaving it all behind.

She exhaled, her breath shaky, as her hair blew around her pale face. The air smelt like lavender and grass, and the summer's heat was lingering from the hot day before. She was trembling.

She could hear his boots clunking down the stairs in the foyer just inside, a noise she was usually overjoyed to hear. But this evening, she wasn't. She didn't turn to greet him. She continued to stare straight into the setting sun over the countryside. She heard him approach, his familiar scent of cologne and cigarette smoke engulfing her. It made her want to cry, knowing that she soon would be without that scent; a reminder of his absence. She needed to feel him there with her.

He stood behind her, not saying anything. He knew how upset and nervous she was. She had every right to be, and he was terrified himself. He just couldn't admit to her; if he did, she would lose it completely in grief. No, he had to stay strong for her. He needed to reassure her that he would be back, that one day he'd come up the dirt path to their white, ivy-covered home, burst in the door and kiss her again. He needed to promise her that.

He just didn't know if he could very well keep it.

He gently touched her back with his slender hand, "Darling..."

She turned to look at him. He stood there as always, six foot tall, lean, handsome. He wore his dark green captain's uniform, prim and clean. Honey blond hair properly parted, those blue eyes staring straight at her. They were so innocent, so true, so honest. He was a good man, the best, and what struck Cassidy is what if he didn't come back. How could she get better if she had the best? She would never, ever to be able to replace him. He was everything and more, and if she was ever to be with another man, all she would be doing is thinking of him; wishing that she was looking into_ his_ eyes.

She couldn't bare to be without him. When he was gone, she would be reminded of him everywhere - whether it be going to bed by herself and looking to his empty side of the bed, or seeing his clothes hanging in the closet with no one to wear them. Or worse, to only set the table for one, and seeing his empty seat beside her. He would be gone from her life, missing. He was disappearing from her life, with the impending threat that he may never return. He was everything to her, what helped her get through the day. She simply couldn't live without him. Everything that she would do would remind her of him.

She didn't say anything, only rushed to him and threw her arms around him. She was smaller than he was, and he rested his chin on her head. She felt tears streaming down her face, but didn't choke out a sob. She buried her face in the crook of his neck.

He quickly embraced her, holding her body tight against his, closing his eyes and putting a hand to the back of her neck for support. He held her as though he would never let go. He could hear her unsteady breathing, and her trembling.

"Don't go." She murmured into the crook of his neck, "_Please_."

She retreated back from him so she could look up into his blue, kind eyes. He still held her.

"I have to." He said, "I...I have no other choice."

They were quiet. Tears still streamed down her face, staining her skin. He reached up and wiped them away with his thumb.

"You look handsome, Captain." She let herself smile through the tears.

He smiled sadly at her.

"I love you," He said, pressing his lips to her forehead, holding her to him, "I'll be back. Before you know it...I'll be here with you again. Everything will be like it used to be."

There was hope and courage in his voice, despite his own inner self-doubt.

"You know how much I love you," She said, cupping her right hand to his face, "Be brave."

He searched her scared eyes, and kissed her; it was sad as he kissed her, as they both knew that this moment could be the last they were ever together. As he held her in the night air, Cassidy somehow felt like this was it, that this would be the last time she ever say Captain James Nicholls. She loved him more than she could ever tell him. They broke away from their kiss, and James held her tight.

She wasn't ready to face the world without him.

The car in the dirt driveway, a 1914 Rambler, croaked to a stop and an officer stepped out, nodding to the two respectfully on the porch and opening the backseat door for Nicholls.

He reached behind his neck and removed a single chain with a crucifix hanging from it.

"I want you to have it," He said, his accent thick on his words, his voice trembling, "I love you, Cassidy."

He tenderly placed it in her hand, and her fingers curled over it, accepting it. She looked up at him, tears spilling down her cheeks, "I...I'll pray for you. I love you."

He reached down to her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it gently, and setting it down by her side once one. James stared down at her, and gave her a final kiss on the forehead. He closed his eyes and kissed her cool skin. She could hardly breath as he did it, the final realization that he was really leaving hitting her like a ton of bricks.

"_It's going to be alright_." He murmured to her, pressing the final kiss on her forehead.

He walked past her and down the porch steps, putting on his Captain's hat and walking proudly to the car that would take him to the camp. She watched him as he walked, her Captain, accepting his duties and his fate like the brave soldier he was. She knew he needed to this; to protect not only her, but the citizens of England in general. Just like James always did, he thought of others before himself.

She walked down the steps as the car engine started up with a guttural sound. She stood there in the yard, watching as the car began to roll away, and she walked a bit faster as it pulled down the rode, away from the house.

She waved, tears brimming her eyelids, and smiled through them as she saw him wave back, her soldier giving her a look of nostalgia and sadness.

The car disappeared down the road and out of her sights, taking Captain James Nicholls with it.

* * *

A six months later, she was washing dishes in the sink.

Her blond curls fell past her face as she cleaned the dishes, Nicholl's silver crucifix hanging from her neck.

It was a quiet afternoon, the house silent other than an occasional clang of the dishes. She kept her eyes focused on washing them, anything to keep her preoccupied. The days felt like years when she was alone, and every moment for her was filled with hope that he would come home. It was hard not to think of him. She prayed for his safe return home every night and every morning.

Just as she had predicted, everything reminded her of him. The empty side of the bed, his vacant clothes hanging in the closet, his empty seat at the table. She went to curch alone, whereas they always went together. She felt so lonely. She looked out to the yard, seeing the spot under the massive willow tree where they spent their Sunday evenings sitting together, laying there or talking to each other. It pained her to know that he was gone. His letters were on the kitchen table, hundreds of them. They wrote to each other as much as they possibly could. But it wasn't enough. She just wanted him physically beside her again.

As she cleaned the dishes, she heard the familiar croak of a Rambler. Looking up, she squinted. She saw the black car chugging up the dirt road that led to the house. She wiped her hands on her apron and rushed to the front door just as the Rambler stopped in front of the house. She threw open the door, standing on the porch.

Instead of Captain Nicholls stepping out of the car and running to her, two elder officers did. One held an English flag, the other a note in his hand. They both took of their hats respectfully and began to walk to her.

Cassidy's face fell, her smile disappearing. Her heart sunk, feeling as thought it had fallen into her stomach. She gripped the porch's pillar and collapsed to the floor of the porch, staring at the two officers in shock. They rushed to her as she stared at them. She knew what they where going to say before they even opened their mouths. Tears began falling down her face. She shut her eyes and cupped her face in her hands.

All she could think of was what he had whispered to her before he left.

_It's going to be alright._


End file.
